Romanticynicism: Love in the Irony Age

Some people dont feel safe in love unless its complete, absolute, and unconditional. Others (me, for one) only feel safe in love when it isnt. I feel safest when I, and those who love with me, know that love can never be complete, absolute, and unconditional, that unconditional love is only unconditional under certain conditions. If those certain conditions can be relied upon to last a long time, then love can feel unconditional, but it never really is.

This kind of romantic pragmatism can apply not only to loving relationships but to all the things we love. the question we all face is how to love in a world where everything changes; how to embrace life even though you dont get to keep it. For me the answer lies in romanticynicism.

Romanticynicism is a commitment to both the romantics yearning for happily ever after and the cynics detachment and indifference. (Not haughty indifference. Thats a recent addition to what started out as a respected school of Greek philosophy that cultivated neutrality.) Its not a hybrid or blending of the two. Its an extended stretch into both the warm fuzzies of the heart and the cool rationality of the head.

Either romanticism or cynicism alone is dangerous. Romantics are easily hurt. Cynics are readily hurtful. Averaged theyre bland. People who are mildly romantic and mildly cynical are mild. But if you can yoga-stretch yourself into a deep commitment to the romantic and a firm commitment to the cynical, even though the tension imposes some pain and un-resolvability upon yourself, the resulting state is bittersweet, vivid, and true.

The Quakers say, Build to last a hundred years; be ready to leave tomorrow.

The Buddhists say, Though my heart is on fire, my eyes are cold as ashes.

A New York Times editor said, Keep an open mind but dont let your brains spill out.

F. Scott Fitzgerald said, The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to act.

Shakespeare ends a dying mans love sonnet to his young lover, This thou perceivest, that makes thy love more strong, to love that well that thou must leave ere long. Stronger love, not weaker. To burn with love while knowing that it too shall pass.

To me, romanticynicism seems the only way to love safely, sanely, and generously. Generously because sometimes the most loving thing to do is to leave someone alone. True love requires a broad repertoire and the pragmatic flexibility to adapt to whats needed. True love cant be achieved with adoration aloneat least not these days.

These days humanity knows more about itself, more about the long view than ever before. Culturally, weve been around the block a few times. Weve seen all kinds of things. Our explanations are becoming more reliable and accurate. And because things are changing faster than ever, theres more evidence that what you love wont hold still for long. Its harder to be a pure romantic these days, believing we can cling to anyone or anything as if it will last forever. Even our sincerest beliefs wont hold still. Our loss of navet makes us conviction-impaired. Were naturally surrendering into the cynical, detached from what will soon disappear anyway.

Yet theres also more reason to be romantic. At least in rich countries, were accustomed to things going well. Our advanced market economy encourages romance, a belief that products, services, and people can make us happy ever after. Weve enjoyed reliable technological progress for long enough that we assume the ideal is forthcomingwhat isnt perfect now will soon be.

More reasons to hope; more reasons to be suspicious of hope. Our technological success has ingrained in us faith and confidence in the potential for happy endings, while our experience gives us more reasons to doubt that the endings we see will be happy.

Being torn between romance and cynicism is bound to feel unstable, but its also an admirably accurate way to interpret what life has to offer. Its like irony, the cultural movement whose motto is, No seriously, Im just kidding. Like irony, romanticynicism can be turned into glib escapism, as though a baldly stated paradox turns every utterance into nonsense. Stretching to put a foot in both camps can be a recipe for ungroundedness. But firm footing in both makes for an honest, profound way of life.

Id recommend romanticynicism to anyone, but I suspect that it comes naturally to some of us and not at all to others. Some people simply seem born to either believe or disbelieve. And certainly some circumstances make it harder to be romanticynical than others. I suspect my temperament and circumstances conspire to make romanticynicism the obvious solution.

I know people who also think it is the obvious solution, but dont pursue it because their temperaments wont complypeople who by mid-life recognize the flaws in a purely romantic view of love but just cant help falling and then getting burnt and then falling and getting burnt again. They get sadder but not wiserand they know it but cant figure out what to do about it.

The jurys out on whether we can adapt to the ironic age weve created. Romanticynicism seems the adaptive frame of mind for it, but one that some of us just cant get to from here.

Heres the full Shakespeare sonnet:

Sonnet 73

That time of year thou mayst in me behold When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang Upon those boughs which shake against the cold, Bare ruind choirs, where late the sweet birds sang. In me thou seest the twilight of such day As after sunset fadeth in the west, Which by and by black night doth take away, Deaths second self, that seals up all in rest.

In me thou seest the glowing of such fire, That on the ashes of his youth doth lie, As the death-bed whereon it must expire, Consumed with that which it was nourishd by. This thou perceivst, which makes thy love more strong, To love that well which thou must leave ere long.

Jeremy Sherman Ph.D. teaches life and social sciences, is executive director of the UC Berkeley Project on Emergent Dynamics, a program to develop a comprehensive theory on how purpose, goal setting and the pursuit of success emerged from a universe governed only by the laws of phyics and chemistry--a program to put goal-seeking behavior in a fully scientific context. Jeremy writes an article a week for the free e-newsletter and podcast "Mind Readers Dictionary: Tips for reading between the lines with greater comprehension."

Jeremy Sherman, Ph.D.
September 01, 2006
http://www.mindreadersdictionary.com
js@mindreadersdictionary.com

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Discover How To Lose 100 Pounds And Keep It Off Without Going On A Diet

You are staring at your umpteenth bland plate of salad or bowl of cabbage soup, while hubby and the kids tuck greedily into mouth-watering dinners. Does this sound familiar? How about the frustration of seeing the pounds you have just lost, reappearing out of the blue and bringing along a bunch of uninvited friends? What if you could discover how to lose 100 pounds in one year and keep it off permanently, without once taking a peek at a diet book or popping a weight loss pill? These 9 tips are all you need for a running start.

1. Stop The Couch Potato Syndrome

Every extra bit of activity helps you to lose weight and revs up your metabolism. Get going now! You don't necessarily need an expensive gym membership, an elliptical cross trainer or a stair climber. Why not try a dancing, yoga or pilates class? Or what about a swimming session, a brisk walk or a fun bicycle ride? Any activity is acceptable. Just choose something you will enjoy doing, otherwise you will soon be coming up with excuses to skip it. Exercise for half an hour five times a week and you will be burning roughly 98,800 calories extra every year (around 380 calories per day). The calories burned will vary according to your body weight, the workout you opt for, and the level of intensity. This vital step will make up to 28 pounds disappear over a period of a year.

2. Kick The Tea and Coffee Sugar Habit

Are you dumping teaspoon after teaspoon of sugar into your beverages without thinking? By reducing your sugar intake by one teaspoon in three cups of tea or coffee per day, you will save 75 calories daily. This adds up to 27,375 calories every year, or around 8 pounds of body weight. Your taste buds will soon adjust. In fact, within a week or two, you will begin to detest overly sweet tea and coffee.

3. Skip The Whole Milk, Take The Skim Milk

While on the subject of tea and coffee: Did you know that whole milk has a fat content of 4%, whereas skim milk comes with less than 0.5% fat? This reduces one cup of skim milk's calorie count to 86, compared to whole milk's 149 calories. Switching to a cup of skim milk a day will reduce your calorie intake with 60 per day. In one year, this is a further 22,000 unnecessary calories. This translates into 6 pounds weight-wise.

4. From Full-Fat Yogurt To Fat-Free Tubs

Why not exchange the 6 ounces of full-fat yogurt for 6 ounces of the fat-free variation? This will take away another 100 calories every single day, without a noticeable change in taste. Taken over a year, the count is a whopping 36,500 calories. There goes yet another 10 pounds of flab.

5. Hold The Mayonnaise

You don't have to cut this delicacy out completely. Just be somewhat less generous with it. If you can reduce your daily intake by 1 tablespoon, you will bank another 90 calories a day, or an astonishing 32,800 calories per year. Who's game for dropping another 9 pounds of body weight? All this while you still indulge in your regular, healthy recipes.

6. Way Less Wining

Say no to 4 fluid ounces or roughly 120 milliliters of wine a day, and you will reduce your diet and nutrition plan's calories by 100 a day. Tot these up and you reach 36,500 calories per year. That is another fairly easy to maintain 10 pounds in one year.

7. Stop The Soda Streams

While on the subject of beverages, you may want to take a look at those cans of sweetened soda guzzled down without a thought. A single 12 ounce (355ml) serving daily comes at a yearly calorie cost of 65,700! Breaking this habit will take care of 18 pounds of flab and fat. In fact, these numbers are likely to be even better, as many servings these days are more in the 20 ounce or 42 ounce region. Measure out 250 cups of sugar, and you will see what you or your kids gulp down in a year. Is that a scary thought, or what?

In addition to the weight you will lose, your digestive system is likely to function more efficiently. You will also have a less acidic body, making your insides less of a breeding ground for ailments. Your wellbeing will improve drastically once your body's PH gets into a more normal range. You will also support your dentist less regularly. Don't worry, you won't die of thirst. How about drinking some ordinary water, fresh veggie juice, or one of the refreshing, unsweetened iced teas on the market? You body will see this as much needed health news.

8. Preserving Your Health

Another simple to implement change is to swop your twice-a-day two teaspoons of sweetened jam or preserves for one of the tasty low-sugar alternatives. This trims another 64 calories a day, or 23,360 calories yearly. Do you choose a jam jar body, or 7 pounds less in the flab department?

9. Potato Chip Pounds Or Popcorn?

Every time you crunch through one small bag (1 ounce or 28 grams) of potato chips, you add 150 calories, with loads of fat and no fibre. In contrast, 1 cup of air popped Sour Cream & Chives popcorn is fibre-rich and fat-free and weighs in at only 50 calories. This is another massive saving of 100 calories. If this swop happens just 3 times a week, you have taken off 15,600 calories in a year, or 4,5 pounds.

None of these changes are huge, but the results can be life-changing. Best of all, they can be sustained without hardship. By taking a look at what you eat, you should be able to dream up at least another 10 tips to cut calories. By doing so, you will be creating your own easy-to-manage weight loss diet plan. You will also be setting a sensible example for your kids, demonstrating that the diet-treadmill isn't the one they should be trying out.

So, stop doing the diet. Just do the math. Implement a few smart, sensible choices and you will have a workable, long-term weight loss plan.

Best-Juicing.com: Get the FREE Fat-Burning Secrets Series, and read the Juicing For Weight Loss article at Best-Juicing.com - by Rika Susan of Article-Alert.com, where she shows you how your day job can become something of the past. Copyright of this article: 2007 Rika Susan. This article may be reprinted if the resource box and hyperlinks are left intact.

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